Blue Monday

     You wake up feeling blue. 

     You overslept, but you're tired.

     Outside it's grey.  This Monday isn't going to go your way.  You can already tell.

     Your car is filthy.  Never time to get it washed.

     Traffic is even worse than usual.  45-to-0-to-15-to-0 all the way in.

     They call you from the conference room.  "Why aren't you here?"  The meeting time moved, but no one told you.  No one believes no one told you.

     Hours in a windowless conference room with jolly Monday morning people.  You're the only one not laughing.  You can't even manage a smile.  They notice. 

     Head pounding, you emerge only to be ensnared again.  Another charity fundraiser.  Your presence is required.  And your check too.  This Friday night.  Great.

     That reminds you.  You need a reservation for Saturday night.  You call around but can't get one.  Waited too long, good places now full.  What will you tell her?

     Your phone rings.  A new project.  No slinking out for you this holiday season.

     The day is half over, your work untouched.  Calls start coming in.  "Are you done yet?"  Haven't even started.  "Almost," you lie. 

     No time to eat.  Your hands shake.  You grab a pretzel.  Stale.

     And as you gnaw and pull the pretzel your hand slips and hits the cup of coffee you were sipping when they called you from the conference room.  Cold coffee now covers your desk.

     For the first time you smile.  Today matches your mood perfectly.  Everything's aligned in just the right way to ensure you have the shittiest day.  Just as you knew it would.  And there's something about meeting expectations that pleases you, even the lowest expectations. 

     Justified in feeling blue, you await your next disaster with a preternatural equanimity tinged with satisfaction as you wonder, not for the first time, whether "schadenfreude" can be used to describe pleasure in one's own misfortune, or whether there's a different word for that.

     Or maybe you're the only one who needs a word like that.

Comments

[puddleglum]

this is brillant... for some reason i was smiling from the start of it! at a loss for words... other than i completely enjoyed it and i'm not really sure why...
thanks

[stephenesque]

I think the word you're looking for is "neurosis."
Intra-psyche schadenfreude is the sole (soul) preserve of the Doppelganger.

[oudeis oudamou]

"Do not ask that things happen as you wish them to happen, but wish them to happen as they do happen, and your life will flow smoothly." [Epictetus]

[Oorgo]

What a great sum up of my bad days. Everything goes exactly that way, it's a perfect roadmap to a crappy day, and you're right when you talk about the spilled coffee, it's laughable because it's expected now.

It's like you're in my damn head!

Thanks for the post.

[R J Keefe]

"Stoicism" is the word.

[m]

Good thing it works the other way around too! Don't worry about the so-called good places--find a taco stand that serves margaritas! Much more fun.

[andrew]

fantastic!! almost made me spill my own cold coffee reading this due to convulsive laughter.....