Ear Candy

     When my pre-teen daughter’s peers get together, the first thing they ask each other is: “Who do want to win American Idol?” The next thing they must know is: “Who’s your favorite Jonas Brother?”

     On the basis of this data, they forge their self-identities and begin to socially sort themselves, much as an earlier generations of girls sorted themselves on the basis of their favorite Beatle or New Kid or any of the numerous other non-threatening post-pubescent all-male but still-sorta-feminine singing groups who perform this valuable identity-building and social-sorting role for our pre-teen females.

     Until recently, my daughter couldn’t answer these questions, as we don’t watch American Idol and, though we’ve heard the Jonas Brothers on the radio, we’ve never actually seen them. And seeing is the whole point of the Jonas Brothers experience, or so I’m told, so she really can’t pick a favorite.

     In short, we’re raising a freak child.

     I’m okay with that, being a freak adult myself, but my wife, perhaps moved by some vestigial memory of her favorite Bay City Roller, is not okay with that.

     So that’s why last Tuesday night found me and my daughter planted in front of the TV watching American Idol, perhaps the last Americans to be initiated into its mysteries.  My daughter’s job: Find a favorite contestant. My job: Avoid snarky comments. Notepad in hand, she dutifully recorded the name of each contestant and distinguishing physical characteristics, while I did my best impression of a couch potato, switching off my brain and slumping back in slack-jawed silence.

     That didn’t last long. The sights and sounds of this, our most popular television show, simply overwhelmed the cultural criticism compartment of my brain, pressing each of its hot buttons, which, against my will and contrary to my explicit instructions, caused it to whir into action. It was all I could do to keep my recently slack-jawed mouth shut.

     As my bottled-up brain gathered steam and threatened to blow, my daughter earnestly jotted away, oblivious to my turmoil.

     And that’s how it should be, for she’s still just a child, with a child’s view of the world, and I don’t want to distort it with my adult opinions. As her parent, it is my duty to guide her development, not supplant it. So, let her reach her own conclusions, I kept repeating to myself, as the ravings in my head grew ever more feverish.

     I cracked only once, wondering out loud how Bob Dylan would have done as a contestant on this show, but I left it at that.

     And she ended up selecting two favorites, a male and a female, and gathered enough observations about the other contestants to carry her through the social whirl until the next week’s show.

Comments

[Leta]

In college I watched soap operas for much the same reason. But I got you beat - I've never watched "American Idol."

[Lynn]

I have never watched American Idol except for the last five minutes, just a few times, because it always spills over into the next time-slot, which, IMO is a good reason for not watching Fox at all.

You should definitely let your daughter know your opinions. First of all because she will actually appreciate it. Every kid wants to know that they are way cooler than their parents and, more importantly for you, because someday she will realize, "OMG, Dad was right all along."

[joey]

Thanks for writing the article, it's nice to hear from you.

But now you know where to go when your angry!
Just flip on good ole American Idol, and you'll have the perfect target to begin yelling at :D

[TC]

In our social circle and for our preteen daughter, it's Project Runway. And if there's anything less socially redeeming than a bunch of wanna be pop stars, it's a bunch of wanna be fashion designers. (And yet...shhhh....I love Project Runway as much as my kid does. Now I must go hang my head in shame.)

[Sid Leavitt]

Newton Minow told us it could happen.

[Migs]

But who did your daughter choose? Not that I -cough- watch the show, but it would be really wonderful to have one more Archuleta supporter. (I'm too old for this!)

[Supervenient Man]

I've never tuned into American Idol, although whenever I've walked into friends/family watching it (or seen it at an airport bar), I've found it repulsive, with one exception: the first episode(s?), in which idiots who can't sing try out. That's among the best bits of reality TV.

(Interests declared: I can't sing worth a rat's anus, but I wouldn't try out for American Idol.)

[Mikeachim]

American Idol, and ilk therein, bring out my most uncharitable side. Gone is my optimism for humanity's future and faith in the principle of democracy (ie. "get enough people together and you can trust their opinion").

I know many people who love it, people I respect and admire. They say "it's harmless fun". But, I say, it's filling up all the channels, the way that water is nice in a glass but less great as a monsoon. They say I need to get out more. So I do. Then I feel a coward.

We already have reality TV. It's called The News. The News used to be clever by skipping all the boring bits and avoiding repetition, but even that's turned into a kind of Current Affairs Idol ("7,000 of you have rung in to say you're disgusted with Mugabe! We'll have more on that later".)

I know, I need to get out more, again.

- A Coward