Sitting in another comic book movie with my 11-year-old son, my thoughts turn to my own superpowers.
Yes, I have superpowers. At least three.
One is the power to disappear. I am the invisible man. Especially at parties. One minute I’m in a circle of people, nodding my head, maybe contributing a word or two, the next I’m completely invisible to everyone in the room. Happens a lot. Even when I’m not trying. I’m also good at disappearing completely from people’s lives.
Another is my ability to walk through people. At top speed. Slow-moving densely-packed urban sidewalks do not slow me down at all. I weave in, out and around the packs, never touching or brushing a person, constantly searching for seams to exploit, zigging where they zag and zagging where they zig, always heading for daylight. It’s like the other pedestrians aren’t there at all.
Finally, I have the power to completely dominate a conversation. When I want, I can talk over anyone, twist any conversation to what I want to talk about. This power, I must admit, is sort of the opposite of my first power, the power to disappear, as instead of disappearing myself, I cause the other people who were ostensibly part of the conversation to disappear.
I am not yet comic book-eligible as I do not own a lycra body suit (yet), nor do I have a logo or a catchy nom de plume.
I can't even call myself a superhero, as that implies using one’s power for heroic purposes, and my powers, such as they are, are hardly suited for heroics.
And I must admit that my superpowers are a bit of a double-edged sword, though now that I write that I wonder why I did. Double-edged swords can be very handy, especially when one is surrounded by enemies, as they allow you to cut both ways, slicing through them on both sides, never wasting a swing, and I did not intend to imply that my superpowers are anywhere near that handy. Instead, I intended to imply that my superpowers aren’t really that super, certainly not as super as a double-edged sword when you’re surrounded by enemies. But then again maybe I did mean that, in a different way, because just as an effectively-wielded double-edged sword eliminates the people around you, so, too, do my superpowers.
And for that reason I am now forging some new superpowers.